December 24, 2004

Former Manheim Township Commissioner Bernie Gordon was found guilty of Criminal Mischief at District Justice David Miller's office on Wednesday afternoon. Bernie is the husband of Linda Gordon, Vice-Chairman of the Lancaster County Republican Party, and was his only witness.

The two hour long trial detailed the interaction of Bernie, Linda and a trio of golfers that were playing beside the Gordon's course-side home on Oct. 27 of this year. Long story short - an obscenity shouting Bernie snapped the golfer's $250 club to "teach the kid a lesson" for throwing a golf club. In the end, when Bernie refused to pay for the club, police charged him with Criminal Mischief, which he was convicted of, and ordered to pay $85 restitution to the victim to pay for a new shaft.

According to witnesses, the victim threw his golf club into the hedges along the 11th fairway of the Overlook Golf Course in a show of displeasure over his shot. When he attempted to located the club, the Gordons spied him looking in the hedges from their nearby home. When Bernie found out that the young man had thrown a club, as his wife testified, Bernie's "emotional pitch" began increasing. The victim apologized profusely but it did nothing to stop Bernie's obscenity-laced lecture over the "missile" and the danger to children and pets that live near the golf course.

When Gordon spied the club laying on the ground underneath one of the hedges, he picked it up and with one hand on the grip and another on the other end, Bernie then snapped the club into two pieces using the hedge as a lever. According to several witnesses, Mrs. Gordon shouted "No, don't!" to no avail. Bernie than refused to give the broken club unless it was a police officer or a course "marshal".

Bernie acted as his own lawyer during the hearing. He admitted breaking the club but attempted to show that the golfers should have known better than to throw clubs and that the golfer was on his property when the club breaking occurred. Alternatively, Bernie tried to show that the police officer, who was president of the union, had reason to pick on him because Bernie was a former township commissioner.

The trial did not start well for Gordon when he discovered that one of his witnesses was the person who contacted the police! Then, with a golf expert on the stand, Bernie, in what could be described as a "Perry Mason Moment" whipped out pages from an internet website that showed that the club in question could be repaired for only $29! The witness agreed with the website but pointed out that the club that Bernie broke was not a "Big Bertha" but was a Big Bertha II"!

An obviously bored Miller, stopped the proceedings and reminded everyone that the court was done at 4:30 and that, while the trial could be continued, the judge expected it to be finished that day. When Gordon was finished with his case, Miller quickly ruled. While Miller sympathized with Bernie's anger, he pointed out that the club was not abandoned property and that it was no excuse to break the club. GUILTY - criminal mischief and ordered to pay victim for the club repair.

Bernie has 30 days to appeal conviction, otherwise he starts his "lesson" by writing out a check for the fine and restitution!